I’m not sure if I am ready to write this post. Frankly, I don’t think I will ever be ready. Some things will never be the same. Let me start by saying that this will be a very personal post, as personal as the whole London experience… I suffered from a mix of neurosis and depression, since 2011. I somehow manage it but it can be really hard at times. Basically I stopped living for a long time and it’s LP and her music, as crazy as it sounds, pushed me to be open at the world again.
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© Bekki Milner Photography – picture posted with kind permission from photographer – click on pic to be redirected & view full gallery |
I hate flying, like dead scared. I’ve been to London & Scotland like 10 & 9 years ago. But I didn’t think I will set my foot in plane again. I wouldn’t, unless someone would have forced me to do so. And it was Krysia and her unbelievable gift of this adventure… All I had to do was to pack my bags and take that frickin’ plane. And so I did. Only for LP. Not even London, which I used to adore, would convince me to do so.
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photo: Nika, myself with partners in crime |
Once I was in that plane, the only thing that kept me sane and not losing my mind was LP and her music. That’s what helped me to get through. Once I was in London, I was already scared of knowing I will have to suffer a journey back, but I’ve tried to forget about it for just a little bit. I won’t be writing much about London, as I went there knowing we won’t have much time for sightseeing, though we managed to see Westminster, take a walk along the Thames and get some drinks next to St Paul’s Cathedral.
On Sunday, the day of the concert, few of my friends wanted to see Buckingham Palace, before queuing at Under The Bridge. Since it wasn’t that far away, and I remembered quite well how to get there, off we went. During our journey back, after 1 pm we got a phone call that the people are already queuing and we should get back asap, as the rest of our friends was already at the venue. Well, then things got tricky, it took us few mistakes and an hour later we were finally there, only to get our numbers and get back to hostel and prepare for the concert. Here I would like to thank our friends for taking care of securing our places in the line.
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photo: me |
We were back after 5 pm and we were standing in line till past 7 until the doors were open. I got number 21 and to my amazement places right next to the stage were already taken, that’s how intimate the venue was. So I took my place in the second row close to Ilaria from Italy, whom I want to thank very much for taking care of me and talking to me as it helped me to get through and not to get a panic attack. Monika, you as well! We stood for another an hour and a half until first notes of ‘Forever For Now’ could be heard.
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photo @ennazust via Instagram – picture posted with kind permission from photographer |
Yep, LP broke me right from the beginning, I tried really hard to remain strong, but the tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t help it. I love this song too much. LP performed it solo and as tender as I could have ever asked for. It’s one of those songs that I will never be tired of hearing and singing along. It has so many emotions, it’s so delicate yet powerful, it’s full of contradictions. Not to mention the sound of ukulele and LP’s whistle. It’s perfection. Period.
Thankfully, after this very emotional beginning there was a time for some rarity, ‘Don’t let me down’, which LP performed only with JD. The whole room was singing and clapping along, and I could catch my breath. Btw, this is a cover of a song, and while usually I hate covers, LP makes this song sounds 100 times better than the original (imho). I got to sing in harmony with LP (which can be heard in our live video – here – lol) and on top of that she winked at me (as evident here 2.45 min), making me incredibly happy. It lasted a second but brought so much joy!
After this song LP talked to us for a little bit, asking if we had enough drinks. She suggested those at the bar to give everyone a round of drinks, joking ‘there goes the whole tour’. Then, she was joined on stage by Brian and of course Elias who is not only handsome like hell, but also incredibly great on drums. And there was the time for another rarity ‘Dead town’. She made the whole room go wild and it was during that song, LP held my hand for the very first time. She was interacting with the crowd making everyone feel very special. Those are the moments that show how incredibly kind and patient she is with her fans.
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photo @ennazust via Instagram – picture posted with kind permission from photographer |
Then was the time for a very upbeat song, ‘Up Against Me’, one of my favs. LP took her new acoustic guitar, to play on, it’s a beautiful instrument. We were all jumping and singing along. Finally we heard those familiar sounds of ‘Muddy Waters’. This song is a masterpiece whether acoustic or in full force. And that wooden tambourine gives something extra to the performance. During that song my eyes filled with tears again, LP sounds so perfect singing it, that I feel like I could listen to it forever.
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photo @ennazust via Instagram – picture posted with kind permission from photographer |
With ‘Other People’ I was back on my feet singing my ass off. It’s such a cool song and I adore those high notes LP creates. There was a time when she took the microphone and it was only us singing. During ‘Tightrope’, LP was once again interacting with the crowd. We were singing along, dancing and putting our hands in the air, hoping for LP to grab them. First time LP missed my hand, but Ilaria came to the rescue, she took my hand and started waving it like mad, which brought LP’s attention and that’s how she got to hold my hand for a second time!
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photo @ennazust via Instagram – picture posted with kind permission from photographer – LP thank you for wearing our Total Freedom LP Fans crow pendant, it makes us feel really special! |
I found that moment on video at Elle Est LP Facebook page. Just click here and at around 2.13 when you will see a hand being waved in a quite ridiculous way, well that’s me, with Ilaria’s help. But when LP sees you and grabs your hand it doesn’t matter anymore. You are smiling like mad. Before we heard ‘Strange’ LP showed us a plush toy she got for Orson, joking that having him is like having a 3 year old, because he has so many toys that it’s hard for her to get into the room. But LP added that Orson loves all his gifts and he is into them.
When it comes to ‘Strange’, it is an anthem for so many of us, it means to everyone something else, but it also unites us in our strangeness. Again, the whole crowd was screaming on top of its lungs, clapping and tapping along. LP sounded at her best taking those high notes. I also adore the moment when she sings ‘a uh a la la la’, she makes it so sexy with her moves and playing along with the tripod. One time she pushed it a bit too hard and it almost hit her back, resulting with a funny face and a crowd laughing. What I would do to see LP dancing once again and making us crazy and strange… Ah, memories.
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photo @ennazust via Instagram – picture posted with kind permission from photographer |
Of course we also heard LP playing her harmonica, and while I never thought much of this instrument, she makes it so incredibly unique and makes me want to learn to play it as well. And then, when I felt so strong and secure, LP took her secret weapon. She was joined only by Brian on stage. It was at that very moment, when LP decided to shoot me straight in the heart with the cover of ‘I shall be released’ by Bob Dylan, playing it solo on ukulele with Brian in backing vocals.
While I didn’t know this song before, when I only heard those first few chords, and when LP sung those words ‘They say ev’rything can be replaced, Yet ev’ry distance is not near. So I remember ev’ry face Of ev’ry man who put me here’, I started crying. Well not crying, sobbing actually. And I couldn’t control it. It was pure perfection and just magical. I couldn’t care less about few missed chords, this will remain one of my favourite moments of London gig. You can watch this gem by clicking here.
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photo @ennazust via Instagram – picture posted with kind permission from photographer |
And when I thought I couldn’t cry more, LP decided to end me with ‘Switchblade’. So, I sobbed for the two whole songs… But I don’t regret it, I don’t, I don’t. I feel incredibly privileged witnessing it with my own eyes and ears. ‘Switchblade’ – having such heavy emotional impact cuts you to the core and you can actually feel the pain in LP’s voice. It’s one of those songs, that even though makes you really sad, you cannot stop listening to it. Sometimes I just take my ukulele and play it, singing along with LP and crying my eyes out… It can be quite purifying experience.
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© Bekki Milner Photography – picture posted with kind permission from photographer – click on pic to be redirected & view full gallery |
Just before ‘Death Valley’, LP was asked to say hi to some very young fan via video to which she happily obliged. With this song, I could catch my breath once again, we were all singing and dancing along, leaving our pain behind. And then was another surprise, LP performed ‘Night Like This’, which is no longer included in her usual setlist. It made me really happy to hear it live, as I never thought I will hear it in the concert. It makes me also really happy to see LP enjoying singing her older songs, as we all know she wasn’t entirely pleased with how some of those songs were managed by her label, back in the day.
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photo @ennazust via Instagram – picture posted with kind permission from photographer |
Just before ‘Night Like This’, LP has given a shout-out to her longtime friend, Isabella (Izzy) of Florence and the Machine, who was in the room with us. Then was the time for ‘Levitator’, it’s also one of my all time favourites as it really levitates you and puts you into better mood immediately. LP you are my Levitator, well I’m sure for many other people as well. Thank you for creating such wonderful music and sounds. You belong on stage. You were born to perform and don’t let anyone ever tell you the opposite. You’ve lost so much time, but I feel with this tour you are catching up, you are like a force that cannot be stopped!
Just before next song LP was joking once again, she said that there’s a straight man talking to her ears. LP had her ear-plugs in, and I think Mike was saying something to her. LP said “I love you man, I love every square inch of your straightness. Not that part… not that one inch” and the whole room exploded with laughter. I love when LP talks in between songs, sharing some anecdotes with us. It makes as feel closer to her. I’m sure you know what I mean.
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photo: me |
With ‘Tokyo Sunrise’ we were taken to another dimension. When LP sings those high notes with such an ease, when she makes those unbelievable sounds, it feels like you are in another world and listening to some opera diva. It was during that song LP still made a connection with the crowd holding hands, taking pictures, giving autographs, kneeling and not missing a single note. Just before the very end, she sat at the drum-set and finished the song with notes we haven’t heard before. Our jaws were dropped on the floor and we all left them there.
Just before ‘When We’re High’, LP joked that she wants to have a conversation with us as she said that she was wondering why her ukulele sounded off key while singing ‘I shall be released’, and she just realized she didn’t tune it down. LP also said that the video to ‘High’ will be coming this Thursday, it’s just her and some beautiful women (including her girlfriend) and it’s a “nice little jaunt through … of my mind”. With that song we were taken really ‘High’. It’s one of those songs that makes you feel alive. Cannot wait to see the video!
Prior to ‘Lost on You’ few of the people handed some gifts to LP, myself included. Why do I mention this, well it created some funny & awkward moment for me. Because of having LP so close, I couldn’t take my eyes of her face, I was staring at her almost the entire concert, it’s like no one else existed, it was only me and LP. And after we handed our gifts, LP was thanking each person by shaking hands, BUT of course I didn’t notice that as I was staring into her eyes all the time. But she didn’t move until I realized what she wanted to do and she has shaken my hand as well… That’s how cool she is! Video of that moment is here.
During ‘Lost on You’ few funny things happened! First one, me and my friend had some special bands on our wrists with logo of Total Freedom fanclub. Before the concert Monika given away all the bands she had, so I have given her one of mine. And as Monika was streaming live via her phone she decided to give this band to LP, but having her hands occupied by the phone, she used her teeth and was trying to take it off. When LP noticed what Monika was doing she simply took the band off Monika’s hand and put it on. And that’s how my band ended on LP’s hand!
Of course LP was interacting with the crowd, taking phones, making selfies and recording videos. One of those phones was mine. She thought I had it on recording so she sung looking into it and making some funny moves, sadly it wasn’t recording, but you can see that moment in this video. Another angle of that moment is here. She even signed my phone case during that song, but she was given some very thin marker, so her autograph was barely noticeable.
After ‘Lost On You’ it was the time for encore with ‘Someday’ and ‘Into the Wild’. Just before the final song LP officiated a ceremony between Kirstin and Elke, who asked her girlfriend to be legally her wife. It was quite an amazing moment and LP even shed a tear, joking ‘who knew, I didn’t know I cry at proposals’! She continued “That was beautiful, well I am honoured, I gotta say! After I fucked up a name a couple of times!”. And again we were laughing like mad. Video of that moment is here.
While ‘Someday’ put me into really great mood, during ‘Into the Wild’ I couldn’t help but crying again, as I knew this amazing journey is at its very end. Yep, it’s the journey that counts, not the destination… It was an incredible experience and I am forever thankful. It was such a huge wish of mine and it was fulfilled with this incredibly intimate gig. If there will be another concert like that and I will have to take a plane, I will gladly suffer again as it was totally worth it. Thank you LP for all those incredible feelings! And all the love you give to your fans! It’s an honour to be your fan. Truly!
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photo Alison Clarke – CLIQMO – via Instagram; picture posted with kind permission from photographer |
Afterwards, we were all high on emotions. We stayed in the venue taking pics, talking to Elias, Mike and Darren. Little did I know, it wasn’t the end of surprises. The venue was slowly getting empty. Just when we thought we will have to leave, a miracle happen. First of so many during that night! LP came to us. Well, it was mostly for Kirstin and Elke, but she didn’t walk back backstage, even though she must have been really tired.
Instead, she took her time, she was taking pictures, talking to her fans, taking selfies, giving hugs and autographs. As I was standing in line, waiting for my turn, Monika, dear Monika, ordered me to speak to LP, she said, “just finally tell her that you are you” (meaning the blog). You all know, before London I met LP on two occasions and both times I couldn’t speak… This time, when it was my turn, LP asked ‘What’s your name’. And then I only said ‘Ania, it’s me, I do the blog’. And that was it. LP realized who I was and she hugged me. And while she hugged me, all those emotions inside me went with full force…
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photo: Monika – thank you for capturing this for me! |
I was crying like a baby, I was shaking, I couldn’t stop. But she didn’t push me back, on the contrary, she held me really tight, talking all the time, trying to calm me down, even though there were still many people waiting in line. And this moment will stay with me forever. Thank you LP. Again. I will never stop thanking you. It will never be enough. Nothing I will ever do will be enough. You have pushed me into the world, you’ve made me feel things I thought I will never feel again, you have showed me true compassion, you have healed my soul with your music. I am forever in your debt.
When I finally stopped crying LP said we should take a pic, but I was laughing that I look like shit, because of all the crying. And on top of everything, LP took my phone and recorded video that I have been playing countless times. It’s embarassing how I am losing my mind in her presence, but I value this too much, it’s like a treasure, that will keep reminding me of that incredible thing I experienced.
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photo: LP |
When I finally moved aside, so others could take their turn, I just sat at the steps of the venue and was crying again. Crying like a little baby. I’m still crying when I am thinking of everything that happened. Crying was also the first thing I did going to sleep that night. And that was it. The finish of an unbelievable experience of a lifetime. How do you get back to reality after this? Well, I don’t think I ever will. It’s like I’ve been marked, it’s really hard to put it into words.
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photo @ennazust via Instagram – picture posted with kind permission from photographer |
As for our journey back home, we ended our London visit with a bang. I will write about it only because some frickin angel took us under his wings that day. It started all so lovely, we were waiting at 5 am for our pre-paid taxi, that was supposed to take us straight to the airport. There even was a rainbow, yep we saw a rainbow, but … we never saw our taxi. We ended up going to Victoria station via tube and hoping to get a bus, BUT of course it didn’t happened as at least next 3 buses were fully booked.
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photo: me |
In the meantime we got an info, that we will somehow get our taxi, but after waiting and losing valuable minutes I asked my friend to call and ask where that idiot is, then we got the news. That after all he won’t be arriving… It was like 6.20 and our gates were closing at 7.40. We saw a regular taxi, I asked what can we do, he said he will take us to St Pancras Station asap and then we will get a train to the airport. We arrived at train station at 6.45, with train leaving at 6.52. By only magic we managed to buy tickets and get into the train.
We were near the airport at 7.20, then we of course had to take a bus to the airport. We arrived at security check at 7.30 knowing we won’t make it the regular way. Me and my friends ended up using special line for those with babies etc. We didn’t even stand in line, we went there without waiting, thankfully no one protested. We arrived at the gates at 7.43 seeing line of people. Again, only by some magic our flight was delayed for a couple of minutes and they open the gates just when we arrived.
I was sick to my stomach, I couldn’t eat, I thought I will throw up, it was a really nice addition to my fear of flying. Thankfully the flight was calm, and again LP’s music helped me get through it. When I landed in Warsaw I had to be driven to the train station, then take a 3 hour journey to Katowice (ticket costed 3 times more than the train I took to Warsaw). Then finally I took a tram to my hometown. I arrived at my home at 5 pm, 12 hours after leaving hostel, sleeping maybe an hour that night and not eating at all. What did I do after arriving? Yep, you got it, I cried. But, if you would ask me if I would do it all over again? You would only hear one answer – For LP? HELL YEAH!
Ostrava, here I come!
I know this post is a crazy long post, but it had to be done. I will end by thanking each and every person that came to me before the concert, recognizing me and thanking me for the blog. It made me really emotional and super special. Thank you for all your kind words. It makes me really happy that this work is being appreciated and valued. Thank you all so very much!!! Also special thanks to Jason and Darren, who took their time and talked to me after the show. After I left the venue, I saw Darren once again, he noticed me and gave me a big hug. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!